Mucking About

The above items are:
a) Pottery tools
b) Meat tenderizers
c) Hot irons
d) Instruments of torture
e) None of the above

If you chose “b”, you are correct!

Following Bob’s wise advice, I got organized and got myself over to the gigantic BHV at Hôtel de Ville, despite the post-Christmas crowds. I wasn’t quite sure what to ask for, so when I flagged down a salesperson I started out, “I’m looking for one of those things, you know, for flattening meat..?” Fearing that she was going to frown and send me down to the hardware section, I was pleasantly surprised when, after a brief moment’s reflection, she brought me straight to the item I was looking for. It was a classic square metal mallet with big pyramid shaped teeth on one of the flat sides, and smaller ones on the other. Joy! But it was bigger than what I wanted, and the sales lady picked up on my hesitation and said that I could probably find a more “designer” collection with the German brand WMF in another section of the store.

I had never seen anything like them, not even at my grandmother’s house, she who had at least one of every cooking utensil ever invented for every possible purpose.

A dainty, designer version of the classic mallet. Whereas the first mallet I had seen was too big, this one was a tad too small, and at 35 Euros, simply couldn’t be justified.

This one felt like a big, awkward spatula in my hand. The salesperson said it could also be used to whack your mother-in-law on the head.

Here is the beauty I finally settled on, my new kitchen toy. Fitting snuggly into my hand it immediately gave me the urge to pound meat. The box indicates that it should also be used for smashing peppercorns (but of course). Or, again following the salesperson’s suggestion, could be used as a CD holder. Why not.

If you’ll excuse me now, I have some meat to beat.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, “meat tenderizer” in French is, “attendrisseur à viande”.

*****
The crappy nature of these photos is due to them being taken with my outdated and slowly dying Nokia cell phone. Scuses.